9：00AM
Even though this morning it is not raining... but my tears is falling rapidly like rain... my heart dripping bloods, as my bones crush into pieces... i did something horrible to my brother... i didnt know that guy was his bf... i thought i could just chat with him nicely... just now my brother warn me not to find his bf anymore... he knows who am i and he dont wish me to find him anymore... when i see this message, i really feel like there is no brotherly love between us before... he didnt trust me... he didnt believe in me... he hated me... i know im a slut... a money boy... a scum... but words from a brother like that really do hurt me... i have try my best to be better already... 死性不改。。。i believe this chinese phrase is true and symbolise me... i cannot be change, i cannot be helped... even my brother could hate me... i just delete him, and his bf as well... i really dont like this feeling now... No matter how many things i shared with him, no matter how much i revealed to him about me... i only wish to receive grace, forgiveness, gentle care, kindness from him... he is the second one, leaving me... i guess i really dont deserve a true love from anyone anymore... maybe i should just leave...
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