6:22pm
even though now i lost him... i still have to go on... i still need to face the surgery... a couple of months later will be my surgery day, the day i always fear of... i wonder what will happen that day... will i be able to do something i wanted? will i be able to achieved what i want? will i be able to see the people i wanted? i really dont know about it now... but one thing i can confirm now is that im scared of the surgery day... even though the doctor say is a small surgery but i still dont know how to face it... even though the parasite has been living in me for many years, feels like lose something if i get rid of it... next tuesday will be the day i take my driving test, i hope i can pass it... my driving skills are not that good actually... but i know what to do... i got my friends supported me... even without a lover i can do it myself... i just hope i have enough strength to face it... nowadays, i had a nightmare that a doctor is using a surgery knife cutting my stomach into half, or open my arms to get something out... (watch too much CSI >.<) haha.... its quite funny now thinking of it... it wont be as awful as the nightmare i suppose... i just wish that he wont know anything, even if he knows it will pretend to not knowing it... he is the only one i dont wish to be sad because of me... i know i cant feel his warmth anymore, but i will remember his warmth forever... his face is fierce sometimes, but he is actually a very kind person... his inner gentle really makes me no reason to fall in love with him... i know he didnt mean to hurt me... he also wish to love me... but our love is in the wrong time... maybe i will just wait for him... one day, maybe if im still alive to see him... we will be together... ^^
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