24/05/2011

7:51am
Yesterday, my gastric pain again... i just buy lunch for him... i couldnt buy mine as well... so, i just bought his lunch and bring it to him... he is late for class already.... and then when he finish class and i doing revision with him that time, pain come already... at first, he angry me that i didnt tell him anything... but after a while he saw me very pain then started to worry le... after i tell him everything he scold me... i feel bad... he is right, if i sick, then i cannot teach him do homework, cannot take care him, make him worry, he say he saw me pain until like this his heart very pain, he cannot feel the pain i have but he still hurt in the inside... i feel like im so troublesome, i caused so many trouble to him... i make him worry, make him sad, make him revision a bit only then bring me go to eat something... i really feel sorry for him... because, he did not angry me... but still love me and care me so much... when i cry, he wipe my tears away and use his kind voice to comfort me...so i have decided to be happy with him... i will try my best to prevent this to happen again... i dont want him to worry me anymore... seeing his worry face... seeing him scold me and care me again... is really a bad thing... i shouldnt make him worry me...
5:56pm
Today, i feel so sad and so dissapointed... i thought tonight could be at somewhere... but it turns out that i will be alone at home... i guess i shouldnt put so much hope in anything... no matter how i listen to him, how i wish he could bring me somewhere... just anywhere i will be happy as long as he is spending time with me... maybe is because we are not real... maybe because just only i have feel on him... from the beginning i know that we are impossible already, he say he dont know how to be top... so he treat me cold like this... when i not saying anything then he will angry... when i say anything he will ask me to shut up... i wish i could just stop crying now... my gor ask me to not give up... be patient with him... but, for now i feel like i cant bear the pain anymore... he will never know how i feel... he will never know how sad am i... all he cares about is others than me... i dont feel so good now... i should just go rest... :(