10:10pm
It has been so long since the last time i wrote this blog... it is very uneasy for me to settle down now... when everyone is leaving and everyone will be busy with their new life... for now i just wish that they can be happy... and i will support them no matter what happened... for me now im in diploma level and things is not as easy as i thought... but i think i need to put a little bit more effort on it... no one really knows how i feel now.... even though im not feeling so well now... i just cannot show others my true face... because i dont want them to worry me... i wish to help them... i dont want to be take care anymore... i wanna help, share and solve problem.... i wish to be accepted... seeing friends hating each other, seeing a child abandoned his family, seeing a brother is crying.... all these makes me wanna cry... wish there will be someone here and now holding my hand and give me support with his charming smile... with his supportive words... with his strong eyes... give me energy to stand... T^T
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
30/09/2010
9:10pm
hihi, sorry for not writing anything for these few days... quite busy around... My result is out and i was quite surprise with it... 4B and 2A。hehe.... next week will be my diploma starts.... but, most of my friends are leaving due to their result.... i missed them... i tried my best to keep all of them together so we can graduate together... i even go to extra classes just to help their resits.... i learn the topics i didnt learn before just to help them... i thought i was doing great... but it turns out i didnt... i didnt force them to study.... now they are gone... suddenly i feel so lonely... all of my best friends just go one by one... when i heard they say they failed... i wish i could cry out but instead... i act like im very proud and make the people around me hates me... maybe im trying my best not to cry.... but the moment i write this... my tears fall like rains... is it really that hard to accept the truth... is it really hard to be a good person... to sacrifice for them... to see them happy... to be together for a long time... what should i do now... with everyone leaving me... all i can do now is to help them? or wait them? i dont know really very unhappy now
hihi, sorry for not writing anything for these few days... quite busy around... My result is out and i was quite surprise with it... 4B and 2A。hehe.... next week will be my diploma starts.... but, most of my friends are leaving due to their result.... i missed them... i tried my best to keep all of them together so we can graduate together... i even go to extra classes just to help their resits.... i learn the topics i didnt learn before just to help them... i thought i was doing great... but it turns out i didnt... i didnt force them to study.... now they are gone... suddenly i feel so lonely... all of my best friends just go one by one... when i heard they say they failed... i wish i could cry out but instead... i act like im very proud and make the people around me hates me... maybe im trying my best not to cry.... but the moment i write this... my tears fall like rains... is it really that hard to accept the truth... is it really hard to be a good person... to sacrifice for them... to see them happy... to be together for a long time... what should i do now... with everyone leaving me... all i can do now is to help them? or wait them? i dont know really very unhappy now
Sunday, September 26, 2010
26/09/2010
7:43am
It is a bright sunshine sunday, just woke up... hehe... later will go back kampar lu.... 3 weeks pass just a blink of eyes... hope everyone can get good results and also those utarians will do best in their exams...
4:19pm
Just reach kampar, clean my room, bought my things... now all alone at the house... wishing he could be here with me... very miss him... after that call yesterday... he went to busy... and everyday he busy busy we couldnt talk much....
It is a bright sunshine sunday, just woke up... hehe... later will go back kampar lu.... 3 weeks pass just a blink of eyes... hope everyone can get good results and also those utarians will do best in their exams...
4:19pm
Just reach kampar, clean my room, bought my things... now all alone at the house... wishing he could be here with me... very miss him... after that call yesterday... he went to busy... and everyday he busy busy we couldnt talk much....
Saturday, September 25, 2010
25/09/2010
10:53pm
Today is the last day i will be at kl... have been single for 3 weeks... dates with few guys... but it seems no fruit is is grow yet... it will take times for us to grow frutifully... hehe... i just got these feelings everyday that a person that i like will not like me... due to my habits(changing in the process) now im just waiting for that person to tell me he is ready and will accept me... holiday is not a good thing for me... especially when i broke up... it is very hard to stand up during that time because my friends are all busy and im all alone at home... so i just cry out non stop for nothing... all the flash back he gave me.... i think i started forgetting... everyone give me memories... i will only store good memories... and forgetting the bad memories... not deleting them... because you may not know when they will suddenly reappear in your life... and today it is the day that you left me in this world... i miss you... it is surprisingly fast that you are pass away for 3 years... im still keeping the diary you gave me... thank you for giving me wonderful memories 3 years ago... happy birthday "Jason Tan"... if only that day you didnt rush to see me... we maybe still are happy together...
Today is the last day i will be at kl... have been single for 3 weeks... dates with few guys... but it seems no fruit is is grow yet... it will take times for us to grow frutifully... hehe... i just got these feelings everyday that a person that i like will not like me... due to my habits(changing in the process) now im just waiting for that person to tell me he is ready and will accept me... holiday is not a good thing for me... especially when i broke up... it is very hard to stand up during that time because my friends are all busy and im all alone at home... so i just cry out non stop for nothing... all the flash back he gave me.... i think i started forgetting... everyone give me memories... i will only store good memories... and forgetting the bad memories... not deleting them... because you may not know when they will suddenly reappear in your life... and today it is the day that you left me in this world... i miss you... it is surprisingly fast that you are pass away for 3 years... im still keeping the diary you gave me... thank you for giving me wonderful memories 3 years ago... happy birthday "Jason Tan"... if only that day you didnt rush to see me... we maybe still are happy together...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
23/09/2010
1:23pm
My family is breaking apart, everyone just hated each other... For all these years, they teach me about being a good person, being kind and nice, being understading makes me feel gross now... For what i see now is they hate each other... and break the bonds aparts... and the FOX appear quite often nowadays... D.M is not sticking around at home... all i can do is stick with my second sister because im close with her... I just dont feel so good now... watching this whole family breaking up... when can this be end... im so suffering now... first relationship, then now family... Everyone just give me the feels of a chimps.... I cried for many days ... just dont feel like im who i am in the past...
10:10pm
The worst thing ever happen to me is that i need to do fitting for clothing and pants... worst is for shoes... my feet is the smallest in whole malaysia... and i cannot believe that he will ask me to go to the children shoes department to get my size.... ugh.... but luckily i got my shoes... hehe
My family is breaking apart, everyone just hated each other... For all these years, they teach me about being a good person, being kind and nice, being understading makes me feel gross now... For what i see now is they hate each other... and break the bonds aparts... and the FOX appear quite often nowadays... D.M is not sticking around at home... all i can do is stick with my second sister because im close with her... I just dont feel so good now... watching this whole family breaking up... when can this be end... im so suffering now... first relationship, then now family... Everyone just give me the feels of a chimps.... I cried for many days ... just dont feel like im who i am in the past...
10:10pm
The worst thing ever happen to me is that i need to do fitting for clothing and pants... worst is for shoes... my feet is the smallest in whole malaysia... and i cannot believe that he will ask me to go to the children shoes department to get my size.... ugh.... but luckily i got my shoes... hehe
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
21/09/2010
11:57 am
It is almost noon, such a boring holiday. Looking for dates now, hope to find someone who can take care me and love me. Im going back to kampar this sunday, study again hope can pass my last finals and continue to my diploma course. I miss my brothers. In the same time i feel like they are busy recently, and we all talk less and less. I m scared that it will the same for him. Tomorrow im gonna go check up with my doctor for the "sickness" hope the doctor will have good news for me... cheers
It is almost noon, such a boring holiday. Looking for dates now, hope to find someone who can take care me and love me. Im going back to kampar this sunday, study again hope can pass my last finals and continue to my diploma course. I miss my brothers. In the same time i feel like they are busy recently, and we all talk less and less. I m scared that it will the same for him. Tomorrow im gonna go check up with my doctor for the "sickness" hope the doctor will have good news for me... cheers
Monday, September 20, 2010
20/09/2010
7:51 am
We could only be brothers... this is what he told me before i sleep... im not feeling well, plus to hear that is like taking my life... he loves and cares me as a friend a brother... but we are no compatible for each other... maybe he's right, im not really that compatible to him because he dont like what i likes, but i like to know everything he likes... the LAW books, the politics sciences, the places he had travelled... but this is all just he likes, so now that we are unable to be couple i think seeing him happy is the least i can do for him... being my brother is better than just being friends....
12:11 pm
I waited for his text or call... but there is none coming... maybe he is busy or something else... but i will wait... because i know he still cares me...
2:54 pm
I think i finally can accept that he is my brother now... at least he loves me and cares me as a brother... and having a good brother like him... is already enough... he will very busy this weeks... i think i should give him my support too... thanks gor if you are reading this... im happy to tell you that you are such a good and caring, loving brother to me...
We could only be brothers... this is what he told me before i sleep... im not feeling well, plus to hear that is like taking my life... he loves and cares me as a friend a brother... but we are no compatible for each other... maybe he's right, im not really that compatible to him because he dont like what i likes, but i like to know everything he likes... the LAW books, the politics sciences, the places he had travelled... but this is all just he likes, so now that we are unable to be couple i think seeing him happy is the least i can do for him... being my brother is better than just being friends....
12:11 pm
I waited for his text or call... but there is none coming... maybe he is busy or something else... but i will wait... because i know he still cares me...
2:54 pm
I think i finally can accept that he is my brother now... at least he loves me and cares me as a brother... and having a good brother like him... is already enough... he will very busy this weeks... i think i should give him my support too... thanks gor if you are reading this... im happy to tell you that you are such a good and caring, loving brother to me...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
19/09/2010
10:00am
Today, i went on a date with a guy... who is generally the best guy ever... he is kind, caring, and good looking. As in my type.... We went for a brunch at the Mid valley Food Junction.... he ordered the Korean food of a bowl of rice and a soup, i ordered a spicy noodle which is typically spice my mood... but just looking at his smile makes me feel comfortable... dunno why but he is really attracted me...
12:30pm
We go to the MPH bookstores and he was looking for his books, i noticed when he is in a serious face... he really did attracted me... then he bought his books and i bought him a bookmark... hope he will use it....
1:30pm
We go to watch a movie, and it's PIRANHA, luckily it is not 3d... cause it is freaking me... and the whole eating parts... hehe...
3:00pm
after the movie he treat me an ice cream... he ordered one chocolate and one strawberry... guess what???? i choose chocolate and he takes the strawberry... the next thing he did is covered his cup with a tissue paper, because he don't want me to think back the bloody scene i saw at the cinema... then we go walk around the gardens...
4:00pm
We walked the whole gardens, showing me around, telling me about his life... i really feel comfortable with him, as we walked at the ground floor of the gardens, i didn't noticed that we actually came back to mid valley's jusco... haha... time is really running out... he bought some snacks along with him...
5:00pm
He send me back to the ktm station... i feel so sad when he was going to leave me... he tap his arm over my shoulder... i feel so happy and sad at the same time...before i gone into the ktm train i send a text to him... i wish that we could be together... even though i know I'm not his type... today, is the first time i date a guy(dunno whether this is a date to him or not) with a happy, warm feeling... hope he will date me again before i go back to kampar for studies.... everyday receiving a message from him will be great... even if we cannot be together, i hope to know his daily life which is more than enough already...
Today, i went on a date with a guy... who is generally the best guy ever... he is kind, caring, and good looking. As in my type.... We went for a brunch at the Mid valley Food Junction.... he ordered the Korean food of a bowl of rice and a soup, i ordered a spicy noodle which is typically spice my mood... but just looking at his smile makes me feel comfortable... dunno why but he is really attracted me...
12:30pm
We go to the MPH bookstores and he was looking for his books, i noticed when he is in a serious face... he really did attracted me... then he bought his books and i bought him a bookmark... hope he will use it....
1:30pm
We go to watch a movie, and it's PIRANHA, luckily it is not 3d... cause it is freaking me... and the whole eating parts... hehe...
3:00pm
after the movie he treat me an ice cream... he ordered one chocolate and one strawberry... guess what???? i choose chocolate and he takes the strawberry... the next thing he did is covered his cup with a tissue paper, because he don't want me to think back the bloody scene i saw at the cinema... then we go walk around the gardens...
4:00pm
We walked the whole gardens, showing me around, telling me about his life... i really feel comfortable with him, as we walked at the ground floor of the gardens, i didn't noticed that we actually came back to mid valley's jusco... haha... time is really running out... he bought some snacks along with him...
5:00pm
He send me back to the ktm station... i feel so sad when he was going to leave me... he tap his arm over my shoulder... i feel so happy and sad at the same time...before i gone into the ktm train i send a text to him... i wish that we could be together... even though i know I'm not his type... today, is the first time i date a guy(dunno whether this is a date to him or not) with a happy, warm feeling... hope he will date me again before i go back to kampar for studies.... everyday receiving a message from him will be great... even if we cannot be together, i hope to know his daily life which is more than enough already...
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