28/02/2012

16:15pm

Today my body is getting weaker and weaker and im only capable to do some basic activities. I got a lot of bad news all of a sudden, don't know why everything have to come just so suddenly and go so suddenly. I remember there was a programmer who said will create a tower defense game for me called bunny defenders, with the creatures of the wild as tower and defense against the evil wild animals from stealing the bunnies. I guess he already forgotten that this game is the memory for us. I think i can never see that game appear already. He is good in lying just like others, now i only know that how stupid was i during that time.

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22/02/2012

08:32am

Im not happy last night,my brother promised me to teach me programming when he come back. But, i waited for the whole night until 12:00 am only came back and say just back. I waited for nothing in return, i really angry and hate him. Why do i always trust him but get this as in return? he didnt even call back to me and ask me no need to wait or something. He doesnt care about me, and i believe that he wont do anything now. He will just sleep and be happy to himself without feeling guilty. Do you think just a few sorry and cover the few hours i wasted just to wait for your teaching? Hello, I got test on thursday and friday. I need your help for my practical test on thursday, i didnt ask you to help my programming assignment. Just for the practical also that hard? You always just know how to say dont take your help as granted.... or what so ever... but do you really have a heart to feel guilty for what you did to me? i know you wont, you will just leave it until i ask again then you only start doing and teach me and wasted another hours for only one question... I guess it is just a waste of time doing so to ask you... just let me fail thats all and not to mention no need to trouble you so much and waste your precious time with your dear. I will never add you back. From now on, you are just a stranger to me. Even if you change now, its too late and i know you wont change. You are just a faker, hypocrite.

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19/02/2012

10:36am

Yesterday i go around the whole day, i only found out that there are no place i could go anymore. All the places i go will only remind me of him. I only want to forget him. I hate him, why will he make me remember all things about him. Why would he be so cruel to me? why cant i just forget about him? Do you know how hard is it to forget you because of what you did to me? I hate you, i never want to see you again. I almost become crazy. I just want to leave now, i cant stand it anymore. No matter how hard i try. Just let me die? I dont want to live and suffer anymore T^T

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14/02/2012

22:10pm

Who will not want to be like a pegasus, to soar in the sky freely with no one to disturb or swim through the depths of the sea with beautiful fins and voice like a mermaid. But these creatures only exist in fairytales, no one ever will believe they are existed until there are evidence to prove it. I like to be free and do whatever i want. To be hate or to be love, it is just based on which side i want to take.I know it wont leave my body without me, and i dont blame it.i appreacite its help for letting me know when time is short you will be able to do what you want.There are many songs that teaches me how to accept my fate. If i got no one to love then learn to love others. If you hurt someone, the more you hurt the more you will able to see the pain, the suffer they had. Then thats the time you will learn how to love. I'm sure everyone does hurt someone at sometime, but to learn to love is a different matter. I never been able to love him and i know i wont be able to love him like his ex. So i guess i choose to love him in behind.

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14/02/2012

10:24am

Another usual morning and single valentine's day, wasnt feel good again yesterday night. I am trying my best to put him down now. I just wish that i never had known him in the first place. I'm having an headache again, it seems that it grows more painful than ever. I dont know about my future, i dont care about my future as well. As long as i can live how i want to live, then it is more than enough for me. Even when every single person in the world hated me of how am i. So be it, i dont have the problem when meeting friends. I just my friends will not suffer what i suffering now, to be happy and be healthy when i will be gone. The date is soon. I must face it. I will not leave any regrets in this place. I want to forget all the unhappy things too. Gambateh Lenneth... Though i miss him, who helped me all along my secondary life...

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13/02/2012

13:36pm

Thanks for my very best friend ING ING, who accompanied the whole night. After what i had been through, last night is the only one night im able to sleep well. I guess no matter what happens to me, he doesnt care. As he mentioned before, he is freaking out now. I hope nothing happens until then as im trying to stay out of his way. If he doesnt want to talk or chat then so be it, i dont mind he doesnt contact me at all. What he did is just a hypocrite. I really dont know what he want,sometimes he will like to chat with me and find me, sometimes he doesnt want and now he said im a freak. I guess i prefer to be alone while looking for the right person to approach me. Almost all of the people i approached are not interested in me, so i guess i will just sit at a side. I still got my brothers, sisters, family.

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12/02/2012

11:11am

This morning i woke up, i wasnt feeling good... maybe because of what he said last night... makes me feel like im not good for him... i know he doesnt like me, if he feels that im annoyed then i wont find him anymore... suddenly i felt that all the things he said before makes yesterday a different person already... and so my gor bring me go eat breakfast to lighten me up and he treated me the breakfast at Mcdonald... until now i still dont feel the same... is it because of my sickness? or it is because of him? Until now he didnt look for me to chat or anything... maybe he is right, he is freaking out... i shouldnt look for him anymore... i give up... afterall, i might not be able to survive that long too... my sister helped me to book the air ticket already... should be in june to leave malaysia... he is part of my memories now... once i felt that he will be a very important  person to me... now i guess i wont feel that anymore. Nevermind, just let me spend the few more weeks or months before i leave... before what is inside me took me away...

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11/02/2012

13:41pm
Today i decided to write my blog again to share about me.The last time i wrote is during July. I had a rough time until now. Many things had happened, life and death, war and peace... it is the never ending cycle. Recently, my cousin brother in law passed away and i dont have mood for chinese new year. Now, im worry about my uncle... my mom said he couldnt make it for long... i remembered when i was younger every year i will get a chance to meet him and now cannot anymore... the last i can see him is in the hospital... he had stroke before and now he cant remember most of us and getting worse... i just hope he will be able to leave peacely without any pain or suffering...