13 March 2011

How should i describe today? should i be happy? or should i be sad? I already trying my best to tell him what happened... but it seems like it didnt work... even though i know he wont mind what happened to me... i just cannot accept it myself... even though the feelings are the same ... we can only be brothers... that is what he really wanted... i really scared to lose him... i also scared to accept him... im afraid here... i dream about him last night... there was a car accident... i died in his arms... seeing his faces again... the memories are fading again... i slowly couldnt remember who he is or met before... he really cared me alot... he will pay attention on every single movement of me... he tried very hard to cheer me up the whole day... i just pretend to smile and laugh out... just to let him ease a bit... i know im not the only brother to him... he had a lot of them... and all of them wanted him to care them as much as me... even his ex hated me... im really headache now... how i wish to sit down and talk to him face to face with all the problems... why did i drop tears yesterday? why did he wanted to see me happy? why would he hold hands very tight to show that he wanted me to stand up? why would he angry  when i continuously ignore his questions? all the memories i gave him was sad... but the memories he wanted me to have is happy... what should i do... i really dont know... i really cant make a decision now...